Societal Expectations...

This week has been a heavy week.

The cartoon drawn by a fellow UT student caused me some discomfort, some anger and some sadness.  I feel that she crossed the line.  But do I think she should be kicked out of school?  No, I don't.  I don't think she should have lost her job at the paper.  I think that her thoughts and actions, although different than mine, should not be vilified.  And, I don't know her, but I don't think she meant it to be so hurtful.  I think that she was making fun of the media, not of Trayvon.  My personal thoughts are that it was too much too soon, but I don't think that she should be made an example of by losing her job or being kicked out of school.

Sexism

I saw this on Facebook:

Ugh!  This made me really mad.  As a feminist, I've struggled with the word 'feminist' because of its negative connotation.  I wonder if the image on the left is how the average person sees us.  I've had people tell me, "you're not one of those feminist".  What does that mean?  I'm a feminist.  I believe that women and men are equally intelligent and equally capable.  Are we different?  Yes, in many ways we are different. We are socialized differently from a very young age.
This made me so mad so I showed it to my husband.  He laughed.  He said, "honey, this is meant to be funny, you're taking things too seriously."  I don't know about that.  I do know that even if it was meant to be funny, some people will take it seriously and have another reason to see feminism as something that needs to be cured.  Crossing the line.

I was a tomboy.  I loved to play with trucks, with cars, with dirt and mud.  I loved climbing trees.  My mom tried to force me to wear dresses to school.  "Mom, if I wear a dress to school I can't hang upside down on the monkey bars without everyone seeing my panties"  she finally gave in.
On my 7th birthday my dad asked me what I wanted.  I said I wanted a big yellow Tonka truck.  Dad said, "Barbara, I think it's time you became a young lady."  I didn't get the truck.  He took me, against my will, to get my ears pierced instead.  Such a sad birthday for me.   :(
Then one day, when I was in my early 20's, I embraced my feminine side.   I like wearing dresses!  And I like wearing pants.  I like wearing makeup and getting dressed up.  I still like to play in the dirt. :)

My son wanted a doll when he was 2 or 3.  So, I bought him one. He loved that rag doll for a few months then set it down for something new.  My father in law was so angry at me.  "You're going to make him gay!" I would just smile and shake my head.   Sam would watch me paint my toenails and would say, "do mine do mine!" So I did.  Again, "You're going to make him gay!"  He made Sam feel so bad for having painted toes that Sam would ask me to paint them, but I could see the worry in his 3 year old furrowed brow so I would paint them with clear polish so his papa wouldn't scold him.
My son is the sweetest kid.  He plays with the little kids on the block.  They all look up to him.  He will play with the little ones when no one else will. He'll push the little ones on the swing, or play with the little preschool toys and won't complain. He'll play kitchen with my niece. He is just a sweet sweet kid. Did I do that?  Nah...I think he was born sweet.  I think all babies are born sweet.  I think that society changes them because of the expectations we place upon them.  I hope he always stays sweet.   Does that make him gay?  Of course not.  You know why? Because he wasn't born gay. And if he was gay? That would be okay, too. He's just a sweet kid who likes all sorts of things.  I'm pretty proud of him, he is a kind, gentle human being.

The most hurtful thing Sam ever said to me was this:
I was teaching him to put pillows into a pillowcase (you know it's kinda tricky) and he said "Mom, why do I have to learn to do this?"  I said, "Because Sam, you have to learn to make your own bed and this is part of it." He said, "Mom, I don't need to learn how to do this, I'll have a wife someday."  Like a stab in the heart.

In one of the readings, something that stuck with me was about equal pay and "Men's jobs vs Women's jobs".  My son was speaking to the school counselor about what he wanted to do when he grew up.  Sam said, I think I want to be a teacher. (this brings me much joy- I don't think there are enough good male teachers out there).  But the school counselor said to Sam.  "There's not much money in teaching, Sam.  You might not be able to support a family on a teacher's income."  Another stab in the heart.

Societal expectations...