Presentations!!

I've been really impressed with the presentations so far.  You guys have done some awesome work!

AWA- When I first saw your posts show up on facebook, I was thinking, what's this all about?  Now that I've seen your presentation, it all makes sense!  It can help tie all the others together- and I think that's great!  It can also keep us all connected once we graduate and start our careers.  :) 

Executive Orders- you guys were so resilient!  You kept on going even when you hit a wall.  Good job guys! And thank you for keeping us up on what's going on with Planned Parenthood.  

Project Homelessness- this one was also great.   I did some of my volunteer hours at the ARCH and I was very hesitant at first.  I thought, man, I'm just putting myself out there- something could happen to me.  But you know, once I started talking to people, they really were just people like me.  They had come on hard times, some had mental illness, but some were just people who had experienced some bad fortune and once you're homeless, it's so hard to get back on your feet.  Very well done, guys! 

Educational Disparities- This one really hit home with me.  I came from a very poor school in Fort Worth.  I remember being in middle school and being a cheerleader- we couldn't afford uniforms or even matching tshirts and the school couldn't or wouldn't provide us with anything.  We went to a convention and every other school had fancy uniforms and we were all in jeans.  I remember feeling embarrassed and ashamed.  We also didn't have air conditioning in the high school.  That was difficult, trying to pay attention in class when it's 95 degrees outside. :) I did have some wonderful teachers, though.  Teachers who really cared about me and who were very encouraging.

I really enjoyed the photo montage with the differences in the neighborhoods surrounding the schools.  

So, here we are- one week left!  This semester has been one of the most difficult for me personally.  Lots of difficult subject matter. One more week!!   :)   

Ageism/Adultism cont'd

This morning I'm in Fort Worth, where I grew up.  I'm here because it's my father's 70th birthday and we're going to his house this afternoon to celebrate.  How does this relate to ageism?
Well, as you all know, I'm a little older than the average student.  I'm married, I have a teenage kid, I own a house...  blah blah blah..  But nothing makes me feel more like a little kid than spending the day with my step-mother. Ha!  She can make you feel 12 years old!   :)  So, we'll be in her house today- so we have to follow her rules!  Happy Birthday Dad!

Speaking of rules...
I've been thinking about the conversation we were having in class about privacy and autonomy of kids.  I lived with my mother until I was 15.  While with my mother, there were no rules, or if there were rules, she did not enforce them.  So, I didn't really have a curfew, I don't remember having chores, I basically did what I wanted.  It's a blessing that something crazy didn't happen to me... I had too much freedom.  Way too much.
So, I moved in with my Dad and above mentioned step-mother, Judy when I was 15.  Drastic difference.  They had a small house, out in the country with the nearest neighbor about a mile away.  I was given Judy's studio (she's an artist) to live in.  I was not allowed to put anything on the walls, not a calendar, not a poster, not even a picture.  I was to have a shower every night by 7 pm. I was to be in my bedroom with the door closed by 7:30- every night.  I was allowed to use the telephone, but only for 15 minutes a night.  It was such a drastic change.  I moved out the summer before my senior year of high school and I moved in with my older sister who was a college student.  Ahh...  freedom...

So, as a parent, I try to find a middle ground.  I remember what it was like having no say so.  I respect Sam's privacy- and will do so unless he gives me reason not to (like I think he's suicidal or if I think he might be using drugs).  I try not to say no too quickly when he wants to go do something.   I work hard to really listen to what he's telling me (even if it's about zombies or Rage Comics, or troll face jokes).

I probably ask him about girls too much.  I should respect his privacy more on that. He's a good kid and I trust him.  I don't know what kind of relationship can survive without trust.  He has rules and chores and curfews.  And I want to know where he is when he isn't at home, who he's hanging out with.  But I trust that he is behaving, for the most part any way.

Getting Older..
My husband told me the other day that I was too old to get a tattoo.   :(  I assured him that I wasn't asking his permission, just his opinion (yea, he's in the doghouse).  Oh well. I do struggle with getting older.   I've become very diligent about sunscreen and moisturizers and getting enough sleep.  But, with age comes wisdom, or so they say.    :)
Have a great week everyone!

Ageism Adultism and Older Adults

Ageism and Adultism,

To be honest, when I first started reading about adultism and all the things that children don't get to do, I thought, of course they don't get to do those things, they're children!  But then I started thinking about being a kid and how I was treated that I thought was unfair.  I remember that my father raised us as "children should be seen and not heard" or that our opinion wasn't worth much because we were just kids.  I think about how I sometimes feel that way about Sam.  I do value his opinion, but sometimes I think he doesn't know enough about a situation to have a valid opinion.  He gets to make some decisions regarding his room, and his personal space and his clothes, but I feel that he still needs my input on so many things.  Like food- he would eat nothing but junk food/processed food all day long if I let him.  When we're at a restaurant that gives him a choice of 2 sides he would choose fries and mashed potatoes every time if I let them.  So, he can chose the sides, but one of them has to be a green- and not fried. So, I do try to control somethings, but I try to let him have a choice in others.  It's difficult but I do think giving him choices and giving him responsibility.  I could certainly do better.  I do value his opinion, and I will certainly try to remember to let him know that I value it.

Ageism-
I'm a non traditional student.  Mostly I don't think that this affects me negatively, but I guess in some ways it does.  I'm older than most of my cohorts but I don't think that anyone treats me any differently.  I think that my thoughts and my ideas are respected and that my experience gives me a different view on things, but that is  respected as well.
I love working with my younger classmates!  I find their energy and their enthusiasm motivating and I'm happy to have so many smart, responsible young adults in my classes.
I recently overheard another non traditional student (not in this class) questioning a couple of 18 year old freshman about what they did with their free time.  She told them that she worked 50 hours a week while taking 12 hours and that she couldn't possibly imagine what they did when they weren't in school.  I found her questions to be insulting.  I said, they're out being young and having fun and making friends and learning about who they are.  They're discovering what's important and what's not important.  You can't assume that because they don't have a full time job that what they're doing isn't important.   I found her questions to be demeaning like they were just wasting their lives when they are full time students! Maybe she was just envious of their free time.  I don't know.

Older adults
While reading about how different cultures treat their older adults I began to think about my grandparents and how they are treated.  My grandfather is 90 and my grandmother is 85.  They still live in the same house where they raised their 8 children.  They want to remain as independent as they can.  My grandmother still does all of their cooking and laundry and cleaning.  She uses a old fashioned washing machine that you have to manually wring the water out of the clothes and she still hangs them all on the line in the backyard.  Her kids have offered to buy her a traditional washer and dryer but she refuses and they respect that.  They have offered to have my grandparents live in their homes, but they want to remain independent- and my aunts and uncles and father respect that.  My grandparents' opinions are still respected and they still have control over their lives.  I'm so lucky to have them.  I can't imagine why anyone would mistreat their parents or their grandparents.  It makes me really sad when I think about all the older adults who raised their kids and are now living in a nursing home with no visitors or no companionship.

That's all for this week.

Abelism

My first husband, Jeff, was disabled.  I don't tell many people that, and I don't know why.  Maybe because it doesn't really matter, maybe because it wasn't the only thing that defined him, maybe because I was a little embarrassed, I don't know.

He was born with a rare form of spinal muscular atrophy called Kugelberg Welanders Disease.  His mom noticed that something was different with him from the time he was about a year old.  The things that were difficult for him to do are things that you and I take for granted everyday.  He had trouble walking, getting up from a chair, getting up from the floor, and he couldn't run.  Going upstairs was exhausting for him and took much longer for him that for you or me.

Reading the chapters in our textbook this week has brought him into my thoughts more than usual.  He was the father of my son, Sam.  When I got pregnant with Sam, I panicked.  I didn't know a whole lot about this disease, Jeff never wanted to really talk about it, so everything I learned about it was from the internet. I made an appointment with the neurologist that had last treated Jeff to ask about what I might expect with Sam.  He assured me that Sam would not be affected because the disease was an X-linked gene, which means that it would only be carried by the mother ( I think this is what he told me- it's been awhile).  But of course, I still worried.

Jeff suffered through much humiliation as a child.   He was teased, bullied, beat up, pushed down, and  taunted about the things he couldn't do.  I have tears in my eyes thinking about it.  He also suffered as an adult.  He was constantly afraid that his boss would find out that he was unable to do everything he "should" be able to do.   He hid his disease from everyone as best that he could.  He was so proud and wouldn't accept help from anyone.  He wanted to live a normal life.  He didn't not want to be treated differently and he wanted to be respected for who he was.

He suffered a lot of discrimination in his life.  And he didn't deserve any of it.  He was a hard worker.   He was always a kind person who never met a stranger and who would give you the shirt off his back.  

Of course we had our differences- hence the divorce. Because of many of the issues he had with his disease he was depressed and he was an alcoholic.  I left him because he wouldn't stop drinking. (or couldn't- I see things differently now). I never stopped loving him, even though he made me crazy.

Jeff passed away in September from complications from pneumonia. He had been in the hospital for seven months. He went home at the beginning of September and we all thought that he was going to be okay.  This was the way he wanted to go.  He didn't want to die in a hospital room.  He died in his own home, in his own bed.  He was 44.

So, when I think about disabilities, I think about Jeff and the many ways he suffered and the many things that were said to him that hurt him, the many things he tried to hide and the many things he never wanted to talk about.
But when I think about Jeff I think  about the love he had for Sam, the smile he had when he would see Sam.  I think about his love of Van Halen and his love of the movie Predator.  I think about the many friends he had that loved him and that miss him.  I think about how much Sam misses him.

His disability wasn't everything he was.