See you guys later!!

I enjoyed the presentation on older adults!  I was having lunch with my mother in law today and some of the things that you guys said during the presentation really stuck with me.  My mother in law has Alzheimer's so sometimes finding something to talk about is tricky.  Current events are out and sometimes I get tired of talking about her cat.  So, today as we sat there on the verge of another awkwardly quiet lunch, I remembered what you said about how they have stories to tell about the lives they have led.   I asked Diane about her senior year of high school, she remembers those years so freshly as if they only happened last yer, and she told me so many stories.  It was a lovely lunch and I'm so happy that your presentation reminded me to be patient with her.  Thank you.

Our non-traditional presentation.  We had fun putting that together, but we also learned a lot about ourselves and each other.  We sat in a room and interview each other and found the themes each other's stories.  I learned so much about each and everyone of my team mates.  I love you guys.
I also was able to reveal some things about myself that I've always been ashamed of.  Boy, that was hard, but you guys accepted me and told me there was nothing to be ashamed of.  You guys are the greatest. :)

I have such mixed emotions today.  I am truly happy to be basically through with this semester.  Yet, I have learned so much this semester, about the world, about my classmates, and about myself.  This class has really stretched me out of my comfort zone and sometimes it was very painful.  But, I do feel more educated on the many different subjects that we touched this semester.  All those damn isms.  They'll stay with me.  I can not unlearn that which I have learned.  Parts of me want to remain oblivious, it's easier that way.  But, mostly I'm happy that I can speak intelligently on issues which have always meant something to me, but that I didn't quite have the vocabulary to speak with confidence.

Here are a couple of things I've come across this week that I found interesting.
The first is a quiz to tell you if you live in a bubble.  It asks all sorts of questions about your childhood, your TV watching, your neighbors, etc.  It will tell you how in touch or out of touch you are with the middle class or the poor.  http://www.pbs.org/newshour/rundown/2012/03/white-educated-and-wealthy-congratulations-you-live-in-a-bubble.html

The other is a survey about your slavery footprint.  It will tell you about your purchasing habits and tell you how much slave labor you as a consumer, use.   Mine # was 45.  What's yours?
http://slaveryfootprint.org/my-footprint#results

Prof. G.  I have enjoyed your teaching style, and while at first a little hesitant about the learning record and the blog, I have grown to appreciate it for what how it has enabled me to think and learn a little differently.  I have never been a fan of reading to memorize and to test and to forget.  I have always felt that this was a major waste of my time.  So, not being examined on nitpicky facts and figures has been a refreshing way to learn.  Instead of some useless knowledge floating around in bits and pieces in my head, I now have a critical way of thinking and of viewing the world.  Thank you.  I wish you much success in your career and in your life and I hope to see you again soon.

Have a great summer everyone!  I will see you guys in the fall.  :)

Presentations!!

I've been really impressed with the presentations so far.  You guys have done some awesome work!

AWA- When I first saw your posts show up on facebook, I was thinking, what's this all about?  Now that I've seen your presentation, it all makes sense!  It can help tie all the others together- and I think that's great!  It can also keep us all connected once we graduate and start our careers.  :) 

Executive Orders- you guys were so resilient!  You kept on going even when you hit a wall.  Good job guys! And thank you for keeping us up on what's going on with Planned Parenthood.  

Project Homelessness- this one was also great.   I did some of my volunteer hours at the ARCH and I was very hesitant at first.  I thought, man, I'm just putting myself out there- something could happen to me.  But you know, once I started talking to people, they really were just people like me.  They had come on hard times, some had mental illness, but some were just people who had experienced some bad fortune and once you're homeless, it's so hard to get back on your feet.  Very well done, guys! 

Educational Disparities- This one really hit home with me.  I came from a very poor school in Fort Worth.  I remember being in middle school and being a cheerleader- we couldn't afford uniforms or even matching tshirts and the school couldn't or wouldn't provide us with anything.  We went to a convention and every other school had fancy uniforms and we were all in jeans.  I remember feeling embarrassed and ashamed.  We also didn't have air conditioning in the high school.  That was difficult, trying to pay attention in class when it's 95 degrees outside. :) I did have some wonderful teachers, though.  Teachers who really cared about me and who were very encouraging.

I really enjoyed the photo montage with the differences in the neighborhoods surrounding the schools.  

So, here we are- one week left!  This semester has been one of the most difficult for me personally.  Lots of difficult subject matter. One more week!!   :)   

Ageism/Adultism cont'd

This morning I'm in Fort Worth, where I grew up.  I'm here because it's my father's 70th birthday and we're going to his house this afternoon to celebrate.  How does this relate to ageism?
Well, as you all know, I'm a little older than the average student.  I'm married, I have a teenage kid, I own a house...  blah blah blah..  But nothing makes me feel more like a little kid than spending the day with my step-mother. Ha!  She can make you feel 12 years old!   :)  So, we'll be in her house today- so we have to follow her rules!  Happy Birthday Dad!

Speaking of rules...
I've been thinking about the conversation we were having in class about privacy and autonomy of kids.  I lived with my mother until I was 15.  While with my mother, there were no rules, or if there were rules, she did not enforce them.  So, I didn't really have a curfew, I don't remember having chores, I basically did what I wanted.  It's a blessing that something crazy didn't happen to me... I had too much freedom.  Way too much.
So, I moved in with my Dad and above mentioned step-mother, Judy when I was 15.  Drastic difference.  They had a small house, out in the country with the nearest neighbor about a mile away.  I was given Judy's studio (she's an artist) to live in.  I was not allowed to put anything on the walls, not a calendar, not a poster, not even a picture.  I was to have a shower every night by 7 pm. I was to be in my bedroom with the door closed by 7:30- every night.  I was allowed to use the telephone, but only for 15 minutes a night.  It was such a drastic change.  I moved out the summer before my senior year of high school and I moved in with my older sister who was a college student.  Ahh...  freedom...

So, as a parent, I try to find a middle ground.  I remember what it was like having no say so.  I respect Sam's privacy- and will do so unless he gives me reason not to (like I think he's suicidal or if I think he might be using drugs).  I try not to say no too quickly when he wants to go do something.   I work hard to really listen to what he's telling me (even if it's about zombies or Rage Comics, or troll face jokes).

I probably ask him about girls too much.  I should respect his privacy more on that. He's a good kid and I trust him.  I don't know what kind of relationship can survive without trust.  He has rules and chores and curfews.  And I want to know where he is when he isn't at home, who he's hanging out with.  But I trust that he is behaving, for the most part any way.

Getting Older..
My husband told me the other day that I was too old to get a tattoo.   :(  I assured him that I wasn't asking his permission, just his opinion (yea, he's in the doghouse).  Oh well. I do struggle with getting older.   I've become very diligent about sunscreen and moisturizers and getting enough sleep.  But, with age comes wisdom, or so they say.    :)
Have a great week everyone!

Ageism Adultism and Older Adults

Ageism and Adultism,

To be honest, when I first started reading about adultism and all the things that children don't get to do, I thought, of course they don't get to do those things, they're children!  But then I started thinking about being a kid and how I was treated that I thought was unfair.  I remember that my father raised us as "children should be seen and not heard" or that our opinion wasn't worth much because we were just kids.  I think about how I sometimes feel that way about Sam.  I do value his opinion, but sometimes I think he doesn't know enough about a situation to have a valid opinion.  He gets to make some decisions regarding his room, and his personal space and his clothes, but I feel that he still needs my input on so many things.  Like food- he would eat nothing but junk food/processed food all day long if I let him.  When we're at a restaurant that gives him a choice of 2 sides he would choose fries and mashed potatoes every time if I let them.  So, he can chose the sides, but one of them has to be a green- and not fried. So, I do try to control somethings, but I try to let him have a choice in others.  It's difficult but I do think giving him choices and giving him responsibility.  I could certainly do better.  I do value his opinion, and I will certainly try to remember to let him know that I value it.

Ageism-
I'm a non traditional student.  Mostly I don't think that this affects me negatively, but I guess in some ways it does.  I'm older than most of my cohorts but I don't think that anyone treats me any differently.  I think that my thoughts and my ideas are respected and that my experience gives me a different view on things, but that is  respected as well.
I love working with my younger classmates!  I find their energy and their enthusiasm motivating and I'm happy to have so many smart, responsible young adults in my classes.
I recently overheard another non traditional student (not in this class) questioning a couple of 18 year old freshman about what they did with their free time.  She told them that she worked 50 hours a week while taking 12 hours and that she couldn't possibly imagine what they did when they weren't in school.  I found her questions to be insulting.  I said, they're out being young and having fun and making friends and learning about who they are.  They're discovering what's important and what's not important.  You can't assume that because they don't have a full time job that what they're doing isn't important.   I found her questions to be demeaning like they were just wasting their lives when they are full time students! Maybe she was just envious of their free time.  I don't know.

Older adults
While reading about how different cultures treat their older adults I began to think about my grandparents and how they are treated.  My grandfather is 90 and my grandmother is 85.  They still live in the same house where they raised their 8 children.  They want to remain as independent as they can.  My grandmother still does all of their cooking and laundry and cleaning.  She uses a old fashioned washing machine that you have to manually wring the water out of the clothes and she still hangs them all on the line in the backyard.  Her kids have offered to buy her a traditional washer and dryer but she refuses and they respect that.  They have offered to have my grandparents live in their homes, but they want to remain independent- and my aunts and uncles and father respect that.  My grandparents' opinions are still respected and they still have control over their lives.  I'm so lucky to have them.  I can't imagine why anyone would mistreat their parents or their grandparents.  It makes me really sad when I think about all the older adults who raised their kids and are now living in a nursing home with no visitors or no companionship.

That's all for this week.

Abelism

My first husband, Jeff, was disabled.  I don't tell many people that, and I don't know why.  Maybe because it doesn't really matter, maybe because it wasn't the only thing that defined him, maybe because I was a little embarrassed, I don't know.

He was born with a rare form of spinal muscular atrophy called Kugelberg Welanders Disease.  His mom noticed that something was different with him from the time he was about a year old.  The things that were difficult for him to do are things that you and I take for granted everyday.  He had trouble walking, getting up from a chair, getting up from the floor, and he couldn't run.  Going upstairs was exhausting for him and took much longer for him that for you or me.

Reading the chapters in our textbook this week has brought him into my thoughts more than usual.  He was the father of my son, Sam.  When I got pregnant with Sam, I panicked.  I didn't know a whole lot about this disease, Jeff never wanted to really talk about it, so everything I learned about it was from the internet. I made an appointment with the neurologist that had last treated Jeff to ask about what I might expect with Sam.  He assured me that Sam would not be affected because the disease was an X-linked gene, which means that it would only be carried by the mother ( I think this is what he told me- it's been awhile).  But of course, I still worried.

Jeff suffered through much humiliation as a child.   He was teased, bullied, beat up, pushed down, and  taunted about the things he couldn't do.  I have tears in my eyes thinking about it.  He also suffered as an adult.  He was constantly afraid that his boss would find out that he was unable to do everything he "should" be able to do.   He hid his disease from everyone as best that he could.  He was so proud and wouldn't accept help from anyone.  He wanted to live a normal life.  He didn't not want to be treated differently and he wanted to be respected for who he was.

He suffered a lot of discrimination in his life.  And he didn't deserve any of it.  He was a hard worker.   He was always a kind person who never met a stranger and who would give you the shirt off his back.  

Of course we had our differences- hence the divorce. Because of many of the issues he had with his disease he was depressed and he was an alcoholic.  I left him because he wouldn't stop drinking. (or couldn't- I see things differently now). I never stopped loving him, even though he made me crazy.

Jeff passed away in September from complications from pneumonia. He had been in the hospital for seven months. He went home at the beginning of September and we all thought that he was going to be okay.  This was the way he wanted to go.  He didn't want to die in a hospital room.  He died in his own home, in his own bed.  He was 44.

So, when I think about disabilities, I think about Jeff and the many ways he suffered and the many things that were said to him that hurt him, the many things he tried to hide and the many things he never wanted to talk about.
But when I think about Jeff I think  about the love he had for Sam, the smile he had when he would see Sam.  I think about his love of Van Halen and his love of the movie Predator.  I think about the many friends he had that loved him and that miss him.  I think about how much Sam misses him.

His disability wasn't everything he was.

Societal Expectations...

This week has been a heavy week.

The cartoon drawn by a fellow UT student caused me some discomfort, some anger and some sadness.  I feel that she crossed the line.  But do I think she should be kicked out of school?  No, I don't.  I don't think she should have lost her job at the paper.  I think that her thoughts and actions, although different than mine, should not be vilified.  And, I don't know her, but I don't think she meant it to be so hurtful.  I think that she was making fun of the media, not of Trayvon.  My personal thoughts are that it was too much too soon, but I don't think that she should be made an example of by losing her job or being kicked out of school.

Sexism

I saw this on Facebook:

Ugh!  This made me really mad.  As a feminist, I've struggled with the word 'feminist' because of its negative connotation.  I wonder if the image on the left is how the average person sees us.  I've had people tell me, "you're not one of those feminist".  What does that mean?  I'm a feminist.  I believe that women and men are equally intelligent and equally capable.  Are we different?  Yes, in many ways we are different. We are socialized differently from a very young age.
This made me so mad so I showed it to my husband.  He laughed.  He said, "honey, this is meant to be funny, you're taking things too seriously."  I don't know about that.  I do know that even if it was meant to be funny, some people will take it seriously and have another reason to see feminism as something that needs to be cured.  Crossing the line.

I was a tomboy.  I loved to play with trucks, with cars, with dirt and mud.  I loved climbing trees.  My mom tried to force me to wear dresses to school.  "Mom, if I wear a dress to school I can't hang upside down on the monkey bars without everyone seeing my panties"  she finally gave in.
On my 7th birthday my dad asked me what I wanted.  I said I wanted a big yellow Tonka truck.  Dad said, "Barbara, I think it's time you became a young lady."  I didn't get the truck.  He took me, against my will, to get my ears pierced instead.  Such a sad birthday for me.   :(
Then one day, when I was in my early 20's, I embraced my feminine side.   I like wearing dresses!  And I like wearing pants.  I like wearing makeup and getting dressed up.  I still like to play in the dirt. :)

My son wanted a doll when he was 2 or 3.  So, I bought him one. He loved that rag doll for a few months then set it down for something new.  My father in law was so angry at me.  "You're going to make him gay!" I would just smile and shake my head.   Sam would watch me paint my toenails and would say, "do mine do mine!" So I did.  Again, "You're going to make him gay!"  He made Sam feel so bad for having painted toes that Sam would ask me to paint them, but I could see the worry in his 3 year old furrowed brow so I would paint them with clear polish so his papa wouldn't scold him.
My son is the sweetest kid.  He plays with the little kids on the block.  They all look up to him.  He will play with the little ones when no one else will. He'll push the little ones on the swing, or play with the little preschool toys and won't complain. He'll play kitchen with my niece. He is just a sweet sweet kid. Did I do that?  Nah...I think he was born sweet.  I think all babies are born sweet.  I think that society changes them because of the expectations we place upon them.  I hope he always stays sweet.   Does that make him gay?  Of course not.  You know why? Because he wasn't born gay. And if he was gay? That would be okay, too. He's just a sweet kid who likes all sorts of things.  I'm pretty proud of him, he is a kind, gentle human being.

The most hurtful thing Sam ever said to me was this:
I was teaching him to put pillows into a pillowcase (you know it's kinda tricky) and he said "Mom, why do I have to learn to do this?"  I said, "Because Sam, you have to learn to make your own bed and this is part of it." He said, "Mom, I don't need to learn how to do this, I'll have a wife someday."  Like a stab in the heart.

In one of the readings, something that stuck with me was about equal pay and "Men's jobs vs Women's jobs".  My son was speaking to the school counselor about what he wanted to do when he grew up.  Sam said, I think I want to be a teacher. (this brings me much joy- I don't think there are enough good male teachers out there).  But the school counselor said to Sam.  "There's not much money in teaching, Sam.  You might not be able to support a family on a teacher's income."  Another stab in the heart.

Societal expectations...

As a woman, as a mother and as a human being

This has been a difficult couple of weeks and I'm struggling with several things right now. 

One of the things that has been foremost on my mind is this war on women.  I woke up one morning and suddenly it felt like it was 1960 all over again and women had to defend their right to reproductive health care.  Women are having to defend themselves against sexist slurs and comments made by people in the media about their sex lives.  What the hell is going on here?  After reading Zinn about the "Intimately Oppressed" I'm left wondering, are we taking a gigantic step backwards? Are we really telling today's young women to hold an aspirin between their knees so that they don't get pregnant?  Are we saying that if a woman chooses to have sex that this makes her a slut or a prostitute?  Am I really hearing these things correctly? Because I'm confused.  I thought this was 2012 and I thought women fought a long and hard battle to be treated equally and for respect. Didn't women burn their bras back in the 60's to demand equal rights?  What the hell happened?  I realize that this battle is still being fought and I realize that there are still many ways in which our rights as women are still not equal. But, we've come a long way, or have we? 

I saw this 3 minute video on facebook:   Ann Coulter explains why it would be better if women didn't vote. 

Unbelievable.  

Stand for Children

Because this has been a difficult couple of weeks, I was really looking for some inspiration from Jonah Edelman.  I was a bit disappointed in the seminar, but I was able to find a bit of inspiration.  I bought his mother's book, The Measure of our Success.  It's a small book, less than 100 pages, but it really spoke to me.  I realize that I need to find the inspiration within myself and remember why I wanted to be a social worker in the first place. In her book she says, "Service is the rent we pay for living. It is the purpose of life and not something you do in your spare time."  That's just what I needed to hear. 

This has been a difficult semester, not just for me as a student, but for me as a woman, as a mother and as a human being.  

RIP Trayvon Martin 

I had to tell my son about Trayvon yesterday morning.  How do you explain the unexplainable?  As a mother, I feel his mother's pain.  I feel his mother's pain as I think about my son, just a couple of years younger, sitting at school while Trayvon sits in a cold grave.  My heart is truly broken.  And I am outraged.  I am outraged and I feel so sick and helpless and I want so much to do something. I'm also scared.  I'm scared of the hatred that this reveals and I scared about what this means.  I'm scared that someone like Zimmerman would kill a young boy in cold blood.  What does this say about us as humans?  My husband has said before, "We have a thin veneer of civil behavior that can be easily scratched to reveal our true barbaric nature".  I've always disagreed with this.  But now, after this, I'm left wondering...